- To help strengthening the Muslim families and spread the teachings of Islam in building families, the Muslim Students' Association at the University of Alberta prepared a extremely summarized translation for two books. The books are Arabic by Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed. An Egyptian scholar, who graduated from the Islamic University of AlMadinah Al-Munawwarah in Saudi Arabia. The two books are:1- How to make your wife happy 2- How to make your husband happy These books exceed the traditional presentation of stating rights and duties to the 'Adab (good manners) and extend into application of these rights in daily life. The following summary highlights mainly the responsibilities or examples of what could or should be done. Every single item mentioned by the author is supported by evidences from Qur'an, Sunnah or the actions of the companions, but evidences are omitted in this translation. The following is the translation of the SECOND book. This translation is copyrighted to MSA at University of Alberta. Feel free to repost it or reprint it by all means, provided that you do not make any changes, additions, or omissions without permission.
- Meet him with a cheerful face.
- Beautify and perfume yourself
- Start with good news and delay any bad news until he has rested
- Receive him with loving and yearning sentences
- Make hard efforts for excellence of the food & having it ready on time.
- For your husband only, it shouldn't be used in front of non-mahram men (men who can marry you if you were unmarried)
- Taking good care of your body and fitness
- Put on nice and attractive clothes and perfumes
- Bath regularly and, after the monthly period, remove any blood traces or bad smells
- Avoid that your husband observes you in dirty clothes or rough shape
- Avoid prohibited types of ornamentation, e.g. tatoo
- Use the types of perfumes, colors, and clothes that the husband likes
- Change hair style, perfumes, etc. from time to time
- However with these things you should avoid excessiveness and, of course, only act as such in front of mahrem men and women.
- You shouldn't be depressed because your husband is poor or works in a simple job.
- You should look at poor, sick, and handicapped people and remember Allah (SWT) for all that was given to you
- You should remember that real wealth lays in Iman and piety.
- You should not consider this world as your hope and interest
- You should not ask your husband for many unnecessary things
- Asceticism does not mean not to enjoy what is good and permissible (Halal), but it means that one should look forward to the hereafter and utilize whatever Allah SWT gave them to achieve paradise (Jannah).
- Encourage your husband to reduce expenses and save some money in order to give charity and feed poor and needy people.
- By the saying of the prophet, the majority of people in hell were women because they were ungrateful and deny the good done to them.
- The result of being grateful is that your husband will love you more and will do his best to please you in more ways
- The result of being ungrateful is that your husband will be dissappointed and will start asking himself: Why should I do good to her, if she never appreciates?
- In particular in times of calamities in your husband's body or business, e.g. an accident or a bankruptcy
- Supporting him through your own work, money, and properties if needed.
- In all what he commands you, unless it is prohibited (Haram).
- In Islam, the husband is the leader of the family, and the wife is his support and consultant
- First off, try to avoid what will guarantee his anger.
- But if it happens that you can't, then try to appease him as follows:
- Protecting yourself from any prohibited relations
- Keep the secrets of the family, particularly intercourse and things that the husbands don't like other people to know
- Take care of the house and children
- Take care of his money and properties
- Do not go out of your house without his permission and put on full hijab
- Refuse people whom he does not like to come over
- Do not allow any non-mahram man to be alone with you in any place
- Be good with his parents and relatives in his absence
- You should welcome his guests and try to please them, especially his parents
- You should avoid problems as much as you can with his relatives
- You should avoid putting him is a position where he had to choose between his mother and his wife
- Show good hospitality for his guests by arranging a nice place for them to sit in, perfection of food, welcoming their wives, etc.
- Encourage him to visit his relatives and invite them to your home.
- Phone his parents and sisters, send letters to them, buy gifts for them, support them in calamities, etc.
- Jealousy is a sign for wife's love for her husband but it should be kept within the limits of Islam, e.g. not insulating or backbiting others, disrespecting them, etc.
- You should not follow or create unfounded doubts.
- Be patient when you face poverty and strained circumstances.
- When you face calamities and disasters that may happen to you, your husband, your children, relatives or properties, e.g. diseases, accidents, death, etc.
- When facing hardships in Da'wah (imprisonment, getting fired, arrested, etc.), be patient and encourage him to keep on the path of Allah and remind him of paradise.
- When he mistreats you, counteract his ill-treatment by good treatment
- Cooperate with your husband and remind him of different obligatory and voluntary worships.* Encourage him to pray at night.
- Listen and reciting the Qur'an individually and with your husband.
- Listen to Islamic tapes and songs individually and with your husband.
- Remember Allah SWT much, particularly after Fajr and before Maghrib.
- Share in arranging Da'wah activities for women and children.
- Learn Islamic rules (ahkam) and good manners ('adab) for women.
- Support your husband's activities by encouraging him, offering wise opinions, soothing his pains, etc.
- Yielding some of your rights and a part of your time with your husband for Da'wah.
- Encourage him to go for Jihad when needed and remind him that you and children will be in the preservation of Allah SWT.
- Keep it clean, decorated and well arranged.
- Change house arrangements from time to time to avoid boredom.
- Perfect of food and prepare healthy foods.
- Learn all the necessary skills for managing the house, e.g. sewing.
- Learn how to raise children properly and in an Islamic way.
- Do not spend from his money, even for charity without his permission unless you are sure that he agrees on this.
- Protect his house, car, etc. while he is absent.
- Keep the children in good shape, clean clothes, etc. Take care of their nutrition, health, education, manners, etc. Teach them Islam and tell them the stories of the Prophets and companions.
- 1- If you mistaken, then apologize 2- If he mistaken then:
- # Keep still instead of arguing or # Yield you were right or # Wait until he is no longer angry and discuss the matter peacefully with him.
- # Keeping silent untill his anger goes # Find execuses for him, e.g. tired, problems at work, some one insulted him # Do not ask many questions and insist on knowing what happened, e.g.
- 1) You should tell me what happened? 2) I must know what made you so angry. 3) You are hidding something, and I have the right to know
Finally, please make Du'a for the writer; Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed, for the translator brother Abu Talhah and for reviewer Br. Adam Qurashi. Remember this is not a perfect translation so forgive us our faults and correct our errors.
