How to Make your Husband Happy

To help strengthening the Muslim families and spread the teachings of Islam in building families, the Muslim Students' Association at the University of Alberta prepared a extremely summarized translation for two books. The books are Arabic by Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed.  An Egyptian scholar, who graduated from the Islamic University of AlMadinah Al-Munawwarah in Saudi Arabia. The two books are:1- How to make your wife happy 2- How to make your husband happy These books exceed the traditional presentation of stating rights and duties to the 'Adab (good manners) and extend into application of these rights in daily life. The following summary highlights mainly the responsibilities or examples of what could or should be done. Every single item mentioned by the author is supported by evidences from Qur'an, Sunnah or the actions of the companions, but evidences are omitted in this translation. The following is the translation of the SECOND book. This translation is copyrighted to MSA at University of Alberta. Feel free to repost it or reprint it by all means, provided that you do not make any changes, additions, or omissions without permission.

1. Beautiful Reception. After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you, begin with a good greeting
• Meet him with a cheerful face.
• Beautify and perfume yourself
• Start with good news and delay any bad news until he has rested
• Receive him with loving and yearning sentences
• Make hard efforts for excellence of the food & having it ready on time.
2. Beautify and Soften the Voice

• For your  husband only, it shouldn't be used in front of non-mahram men (men who can marry you if you were unmarried)
3. Smelling Good and Physical Beautification
• Taking good care of your body and fitness
• Put on nice and attractive clothes and perfumes
• Bath regularly and, after the monthly period, remove any blood traces or bad smells
• Avoid that your husband observes you in dirty clothes or rough shape
• Avoid prohibited types of ornamentation, e.g. tatoo
• Use the types of perfumes, colors, and clothes that the husband likes
• Change hair style, perfumes, etc. from time to time
• However with these things you should avoid excessiveness and, of course, only act as such in front of mahrem men and women.
4. Satisfaction With What Allah (SWT) Has Allotted

• You shouldn't be depressed because your husband is poor or works in a simple job.
• You should look at poor, sick, and handicapped people and remember Allah (SWT) for all that was given to you
• You should remember that real wealth lays in Iman and piety.
5. Indifference to Worldly Things
• You should not consider this world as your hope and interest
• You should not ask your husband for many unnecessary things
• Asceticism does not mean not to enjoy what is good and permissible (Halal), but it means that one should look forward to the hereafter and utilize whatever Allah SWT gave them to achieve paradise (Jannah).
• Encourage your husband to reduce expenses and save some money in order to give charity and feed poor and needy people.
6. Appreciation
• By the saying of the prophet, the majority of people in hell were women because they were ungrateful and deny the good done to them.
• The result of being grateful is that your husband will love you more and will do his best to please you in more ways
• The result of being ungrateful is that your husband will be dissappointed and will start asking himself: Why should I do good to her, if she never appreciates?
7. Devotion and Loyalty

• In particular in times of calamities in your husband's body or business, e.g. an accident or a bankruptcy
• Supporting him through your own work, money, and properties if needed.
8. Compliance to Him
• In all what he commands you, unless it is prohibited (Haram).
• In Islam, the husband is the leader of the family, and the wife is his support and consultant
9. Pleasing Him If He Is Angry
• First off, try to avoid what will guarantee his anger.
• But if it happens that you can't, then try to appease him as follows:
1- If you mistaken, then apologize 2- If he mistaken then:
# Keep still instead of arguing or # Yield you were right or # Wait until he is no longer angry and discuss the matter peacefully with him.
3- If he was angry because of external reasons then:
# Keeping silent untill his anger goes # Find execuses for him, e.g. tired, problems at work, some one insulted him # Do not ask many questions and insist on knowing what happened, e.g.
1) You should tell me what happened? 2) I must know what made you so angry. 3) You are hidding something, and I have the right to know
10. Guardianship While He is Absent
• Protecting yourself from any prohibited relations
• Keep the secrets of the family, particularly intercourse and things that the husbands don't like other people to know
• Take care of the house and children
• Take care of his money and properties
• Do not go out of your house without his permission and put on full hijab
• Refuse people whom he does not like to come over
• Do not allow any non-mahram man to be alone with you in any place
• Be good with his parents and relatives in his absence
11. Showing Respect for his Family and Friends
• You should welcome his guests and try to please them, especially his  parents
• You should avoid problems as much as you can with his relatives
• You should avoid putting him is a position where he had to choose between his mother and his wife
• Show good hospitality for his guests by arranging a nice place for them to sit in, perfection of food, welcoming their wives, etc.

• Encourage him to visit his relatives and invite them to your home.
• Phone his parents and sisters, send letters to them, buy gifts for them, support them in calamities, etc.
12. Admirable Jealousy
• Jealousy is a sign for wife's love for her husband but it should be kept within the limits of Islam, e.g. not insulating or backbiting others, disrespecting them, etc.
• You should not follow or create unfounded doubts.
13. Patience and Emotional Support
• Be patient when you face poverty and strained circumstances.
• When you face calamities and disasters that may  happen to you, your husband, your children, relatives or properties, e.g. diseases, accidents, death, etc.
• When facing hardships in Da'wah (imprisonment, getting fired, arrested, etc.), be patient and encourage him to keep on the path of Allah and remind him of paradise.
• When he mistreats you, counteract his ill-treatment by good treatment
14. Support in Obedience to Allah, Da'wah and Jihad

• Cooperate with your husband and remind him of different obligatory and voluntary worships.* Encourage him to pray at night.
• Listen and reciting the Qur'an individually and with your husband.
• Listen to Islamic tapes and songs individually and with your husband.
• Remember Allah SWT much, particularly after Fajr and before Maghrib.
• Share in arranging Da'wah activities for women and children.
• Learn Islamic rules (ahkam) and good manners ('adab) for women.
• Support your husband's activities by encouraging him, offering wise opinions, soothing his pains, etc.
• Yielding some of your rights and a part of your time with your husband for Da'wah.
• Encourage him to go for Jihad when needed and remind him that you and children will be in the preservation of Allah SWT.
15. Good Housekeeping
• Keep it clean, decorated and well arranged.
• Change house arrangements from time to time to avoid boredom.

• Perfect of food and prepare healthy foods.
• Learn all the necessary skills for managing the house, e.g. sewing.
• Learn how to raise children properly and in an Islamic way.
16. Preservation of Finances and the Family
• Do not spend from his money, even for charity without his permission unless you are sure that he agrees on this.
• Protect his house, car, etc. while he is absent.
• Keep the children in good shape, clean clothes, etc. Take care of their nutrition, health, education, manners, etc. Teach them Islam and tell them the stories of the Prophets and companions.
Finally, please make Du'a for the writer; Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed, for the translator brother Abu Talhah and for reviewer Br. Adam Qurashi. Remember this is not a perfect translation so forgive us our faults and correct our errors.

how to make your wife happy?

Do you know a secret of marital happiness and well-being? It is very simple: the main thing - a happy wife, and then she will take care of everything else. Well,  how to make her happy? All this is so difficult as it might seem at first glance.
Marital happiness is often compared with honey cells built by two bees, and the more they work, the sweeter honey is inside. Many people ask why they are deprived of happiness, harmonious family relations and how to get them back? There is no doubt that happiness of family first of all depends on a couple itself.
The main condition - understanding between partners. They should be united by love, but not that frivolous love, which erupts and suddenly extinguish, but the one that links spiritual harmony and gentle noble sentiments. Well, how to make a wife happy?
1. You both should have common views on life.
2. Try to help your wife at home.

3. Try not to pay attention to some shortcomings of your wife, and always remember that her dignity and noble qualities will hide minor shortcomings. If you do not like one quality in her, then you will be pleased with another one.
4. Be gentle and tender towards your wife, have fun with her, caress her.
5. Listen to criticism in your address from your wife with patience and magnanimity.
6. Be kind to your wife and children. The best of you - those who treat their families the best way.
7. If you are good to members of your family, they will also treat you kindly, filling your life with joy.
8. Do not save money on your wife or children, but spend money only for good. All your expenses for family will be rewarded. Prophet Muhammad said: “Best money - those that are spent on a family.” Do not say your wife you maintain her. This is your responsibility. If you reproach wife with this, you lose a reward for this good act.
9. Never humiliate your wife, because it leaves a trace in her heart for a long. The most dangerous humiliations - those that your wife can forgive on words, but will never forgive in heart - insults, when you are angry, curse of her parents, accusations of infidelity, etc.
10. If you treat your wife well, she will reciprocate. Let her feel you appreciate her happiness most of all, care of her health and is ready to sacrifice much to cure her during her illness.
11. Remember that your wife always wants to stay abreast of what is happening with you, so talk to her often. Returning home, try not to be doomed, grim, silent. All this can cause fear and suspicions in your wife.
12. Do not wait your wife would be interested in your professional interests. Therefore, if you are, for example, a professor of astronomy, do not hope your wife will be worried about state of stars and planets.

13. Be direct and honest, and then your wife will treat you the same way. Do not leave secrets - it can lead to questioning in each other.
14. Beware to cause your wife’s sense of jealousy specially or by accidentally said words, that you are offered to marry a second wife. Do not show your delight with other woman. All this could wound your wife’s heart deeply, make her worrying and doubting in you, which, in its turn, will affect her health, as well as respect for you.

15. Do not remind your wife about her physical shortcomings or mistakes, especially in front of strangers. Do not reproach her.
16. Watch your behavior and try to transform, educate yourself, because not only your wife is obliged to do so. Do not keep your old bad habits. Avoid anything that could cause anger in your wife, even if it’s just a joke.
17. Try to adopt positive qualities of your wife.

18. Be always calm and never go mad, because anger - a source of hatred among people. If you offended your wife, apologize immediately. Do not go to bed being angry with your wife, while she is offended and crying. Try to understand why you were angry - it is something small, not worth your wife’s tears.
19. Allow your wife feeling confidence. Do not make her your shadow, which should follow you, forgiving all your whims. Instead, encourage her to have her own views on life. Consult with her in all cases. Listen to her, if you see she is right, and tell her about it. If you do not agree with her, then try to convince her discreetly and politely.
20. Every time your wife is worthy of praise and gratitude, say her kind words.
21. Do not reproach your wife. Do not compare her with relatives you admire.

22. Try to give your wife an opportunity to receive education. If she wants to obtain a license in any industry, support her, unless it does not prevent her from carrying out marital duties and domestic affairs. Every time she succeeds, encourage her.

23. Listen to your wife attentively, when she starts talking, because it helps pouring her heart and getting rid of many emotional problems. Avoid charges of lying during of conversation. There are, however, women who like talking too much, gossiping about husband’s families. In such cases it is necessary to deal wisely with them, be calm, warn them of such conversations, and their unintended consequences.
24. Your wife should always feel safe from any trouble, be confident that you will never leave her.
25. Allow your wife feeling that you will always provide her materially, no matter how rich she may be. Never try to seize her inheritance, got from her father. Do not save money on her, even if she is very rich, because she needs a sense you really replace her real father.

26. Your love to your wife should not prevent you from loving your parents or relatives. Each of them should get their share of your love. Love all, not forgetting anybody. This will ensure harmony in family relations.
27. In all spheres of life treat your wife the way you would like her to treat you.

28. Visit her family and relatives, keep good relations with them, full of love and respect.
29. Do not make your wife being jealous to your work that brings you a living. Do not detain at work longer than necessary. Work should not take you too long, especially in the end of week. Do not deprive your wife of joy from sharing family rest at home or somewhere else, she should not miss and be sad.
30. Coming out of the house, ask your wife to smile for you. Coming back, do not go home unexpectedly. Allow her being ready to meet you in the form she wants to appear in front of you, especially if you are returning from a long trip.

لماذ يكذب الرجال ؟!

قد يكون في اتهام النساء للرجال بأنهم كاذبون شيء من الصحة، فقد دلت دراسة أجرتها "فيرجن" على أن رجلاً من بين كل عشرة تتراوح اعمارهم ما بين 18 و40 سنة يكذب بشأن راتبه ويضيف له أرقاماً خيالية، واستنتج الباحثون أن الرجال يكذبون أكثر من النساء، وأن أحد أسباب كذبهم هو الضغوط المعنوية والمادية التي يتعرض لها الرجل في العصر الحديث سواء على المستويين الاجتماعي والوظيفي

إثارة الإعجاب

وتحدث نيل ستراوس مؤلف كتاب "اللعبة" الذي يعد من أكثر الكتب مبيعاً في العالم عن أسباب كذب الرجال، وقال ان أحدها هو الرغبة في اثارة اعجاب الآخرين، اما السبب الآخر فهو اعطاء الطرف الآخر أو المرأة انطباعاً حسناً عنه حتى لا تهجره أو تتخلى عنه اذا كانت زوجته او حبيبته، ولكن الذي لا يعلمه الرجال ان المرأة بطبيعتها تشك في الرجال، وتعتبر الرجل كاذباً حتى تثبت براءته، لذلك غالباً ما تكشف المرأة كذب الرجل بحدسها الذي لا يخيب.

شعور بالضعف

بالطبع فسلوك الكذب عند الرجال ليس فطرياً ولكنه يرجع لتربيته وبيئته وشخصيته، ولكن ستراوس يرى أن كذب الرجل يرجع الى شعوره بالضعف، خصوصا بعد أن خرجت المرأة الى العمل وطالبت بمساواتها بالرجل مما يجعله يشعر بقلق نفسي وضرورة لاثبات ذاته وبأنه اكثر قوة وان وضعه الاجتماعي كرجل مازال متفوقاً.

وما يزيد الصراع لدى الرجل أحياناً ويدفعه الى الكذب هو انه اصبح يواجه نساءً في الحياة أكثر نجاحاً منه على المستويين الاجتماعي والاقتصادي.

وقد تحدثت سوزان كويليام، اختصاصية العلاقات الاجتماعية ومؤلفة كتاب "أسرار لغة الجسد" عن هذا الموضوع أيضاً، وأرجعت سبب كذب الرجال لعدم شعورهم بالأمان وتعويضهم عن ذلك بالتجمل كذباً

الرجل "اللقطة"

 سيثير اعجابها، ولكن حقيقة الأمر تثبت ان المرأة تجذبها صفة الامانة والصدق والقدرة على تحمل المسؤولية في الرجل، فالمرأة لا تبحث عن الرجل الغني كما يعتقد الرجال، لكنها تبحث عن الأمان ولن يعطيها ذلك الا رجل تثق به.

المتفوق

 سبب آخر لكذب الرجل لا علاقة له بالمرأة هذه المرة وهو رغبته في ابراز تفوقه على اقرانه الرجال، فهو يكذب عليهم ليبدو انه الاول والافضل بينهم والاكثر تميزاً.

 

تخلص من عصبيتك اثناء العمل مع هذه النصائح

يواجه العاملون خصوصاً من الشباب، ضغوطا كثيرة خلال العمل وتكون الأعصاب دائما متوترة ومن المعروف أن التوتر العصبي لا يفيد العمل بل يجعل الناس يتخذون قرارات خاطئة.

لذلك على الشباب تجنب التوتر الشديد وفيما يلي بعض الأساليب للتخلص من التوتر.

أولا: تغيير الطبيعة العصبية، إذا شعرت بغضب فيجب أن تضغط على نفسك وتفعل بعض الأعمال الأخرى مثل التنظيف أو لعب الكرة والتجول لتخفيف توتر الأعصاب.

ثانيا: التواضع، يمكنك أن تفعل الأعمال التي تظن أنها صحيحة وتفعلها بهدوء ولا تتنافس مع الآخرين خارج قوتك.

ثالثا: تفعل بعض الأشياء للآخرين، إذا شعرت بالتوتر والضيق حاول أن تفعل بعض الأشياء للآخرين فستجد أن مشاعر التوتر والاضطراب ستتحول إلى قدرة فستشعر بسرور وارتياح.

رابعا: لا تفعل أكثر من شيء في وقت واحد، عليك أن تفعل الأشياء الأكثر الحاحا عندما تكون مشغولا وتترك الأشياء الأخرى مؤقتا.

خامسا: كن كريما مع الآخرين، لا تطلب كثيرا من الآخرين وإذا شعرت باليأس يجب عليك أن تنظر إلى مزايا الآخرين وتساعدهم على ادراك مزاياهم.

سادسا: اعطاء الآخرين فرصة للتنافس، إن التنافس مفيد للجميع واتاحة فرص للآخرين للتنافس ستجعلك تتقدم مع الآخرين سويا.

سابعا: لا تستخف بنفسك، قد يشعر كثير من الناس أن الآخرين يستخفون بهم وفي الحقيقة أن هذا خيال فقط ولا أحد يستخف بك إلا نفسك وقد ينتظر الآخرون أعمالك البارزة. فيجب أن تفعل بعض الأشياء طوعيا ولا تنتظر توجيها من الآخرين.