(10) Ways to Be Happier

How happy are you -- really? If there’s room for improvement, then Gretchen Rubin has some suggestions. A few years ago, on a morning like any other, I had a sudden realization: I was in danger of wasting my life. As I stared out the rain-spattered window of a New York City bus, I saw that the years were slipping by. “What do I want from life?” I asked myself. “Well…I want to be happy.” I had many reasons to be happy: My husband was the tall, dark, handsome love of my life; we had two delightful girls, ages 1 and 7; I was a writer, living in my favorite city. I had friends; I had my health; I didn’t have to color my hair. But too often I sniped at my husband or the drugstore clerk. I felt dejected after even a minor professional setback. I lost my temper easily. Is that how a happy person would act? I decided on the spot to begin a systematic study of happiness. (A little intense, I know. But that’s the kind of thing that appeals to me.) In the end, I spent a year test-driving the wisdom of the ages, current scientific studies, and tips from popular culture. If I followed all the advice, I wanted to know, would it work? Well, the year is over, and I can say: It did. I made myself happier. And along the way I learned a lot about how to be happier. Here are those lessons. 1. Don’t start with profundities. When I began my Happiness Project, I realized pretty quickly that, rather than jumping in with lengthy daily meditation or answering deep questions of self-identity, I should start with the basics, like going to sleep at a decent hour and not letting myself get too hungry. Science backs this up; these two factors have a big impact on happiness. Learn how to Get a Good Night's Sleep. 2. Do let the sun go down on anger. I had always scrupulously aired every irritation as soon as possible, to make sure I vented all bad feelings before bedtime. Studies show, however, that the notion of anger catharsis is poppycock. Expressing anger related to minor, fleeting annoyances just amplifies bad feelings, while not expressing anger often allows it to dissipate. (See 16 Ways to Manage Your Anger from Real Simple) 3. Fake it till you feel it. Feelings follow actions. If I’m feeling low, I deliberately act cheery, and I find myself actually feeling happier. If I’m feeling angry at someone, I do something thoughtful for her and my feelings toward her soften. This strategy is uncannily effective. 4. Realize that anything worth doing is worth doing badly. Challenge and novelty are key elements of happiness. The brain is stimulated by surprise, and successfully dealing with an unexpected situation gives a powerful sense of satisfaction. People who do new things — learn a game, travel to unfamiliar places — are happier than people who stick to familiar activities that they already do well. I often remind myself to “Enjoy the fun of failure” and tackle some daunting goal. 5. Don’t treat the blues with a “treat.” Often the things I choose as “treats” aren’t good for me. The pleasure lasts a minute, but then feelings of guilt and loss of control and other negative consequences deepen the lousiness of the day. While it’s easy to think, I’ll feel good after I have a few glasses of wine…a pint of ice cream…a cigarette…a new pair of jeans, it’s worth pausing to ask whether this will truly make things better. 6. Buy some happiness. Our basic psychological needs include feeling loved, secure, and good at what we do and having a sense of control. Money doesn’t automatically fill these requirements, but it sure can help. I’ve learned to look for ways to spend money to stay in closer contact with my family and friends; to promote my health; to work more efficiently; to eliminate sources of irritation and marital conflict; to support important causes; and to have enlarging experiences. For example, when my sister got married, I splurged on a better digital camera. It was expensive, but it gave me a lot of happiness bang for the buck. 7. Don’t insist on the best. There are two types of decision makers. Satisfiers (yes, satisfiers) make a decision once their criteria are met. When they find the hotel or the pasta sauce that has the qualities they want, they’re satisfied. Maximizers want to make the best possible decision. Even if they see a bicycle or a backpack that meets their requirements, they can’t make a decision until they’ve examined every option. Satisficers tend to be happier than maximizers. Maximizers expend more time and energy reaching decisions, and they’re often anxious about their choices. Sometimes good enough is good enough. 8. Exercise to boost energy. I knew, intellectually, that this worked, but how often have I told myself, “I’m just too tired to go to the gym”? Exercise is one of the most dependable mood-boosters. Even a 10-minute walk can brighten my outlook. Try one of these 15-Minute Workouts. 9. Stop nagging. I knew my nagging wasn’t working particularly well, but I figured that if I stopped, my husband would never do a thing around the house. Wrong. If anything, more work got done. Plus, I got a surprisingly big happiness boost from quitting nagging. I hadn’t realized how shrewish and angry I had felt as a result of speaking like that. I replaced nagging with the following persuasive tools: wordless hints (for example, leaving a new light bulb on the counter); using just one word (saying “Milk!” instead of talking on and on); not insisting that something be done on my schedule; and, most effective of all, doing a task myself. Why did I get to set the assignments? 10. Take action. Some people assume happiness is mostly a matter of inborn temperament: You’re born an Eeyore or a Tigger, and that’s that. Although it’s true that genetics play a big role, about 40 percent of your happiness level is within your control. Taking time to reflect, and conscious steps to make your life happier, really does work. So use these tips to start your own Happiness Project. I promise it won’t take you a whole year.

Home Is Where the History Is

If your house could talk, what would it say? Finding out is one way to engage kids in research, writing, history, and architecture. The historical treasure hunt could result in a scrapbook, recorded oral histories, an illustrated timeline, or simply an appreciation for the place you call home. "This is a great opportunity to show your third through sixth grader that information comes in many different forms: from maps to city records to conversations with older people who can offer a unique perspective," says Jean Spraker, former college history major and school-improvement researcher at the Northwest Regional Educational Laboratory. A good place to start your journey back in time is right on your doorstep. Take some time with your child to really look at your house and notice what makes it different or the same as its neighbors. Are there distinguishing features like fancy wood trim, shingles, a different-shaped roof, unusual hardware? You might want to take photographs and even make sketches of the things you find. Together, write down what you already know about your home. When did your family move in and who lived there just before you? Do you know when the house was constructed and who the original owners were? Who designed or built it? Chat with neighbors, especially people who've lived in the area for a long time. What do they recall about your house and your street? Can you find anyone who remembers things like having ice delivered or when electricity was installed? You might jot down their memories to incorporate in a scrapbook or even tape record conversations for an oral history. See if long-time residents are willing to share old photographs that document "events" in the neighborhood or show how it's changed. Now it's time to do some sleuthing with a trip to your city or county courthouse to look up deeds, title documents, building plans, permits, and other records. Consulting property tax records will reveal your home's original value. Building permits yield information about the builder, owner, architect, materials, and original cost. A visit to the library helps uncover other clues: for example, check newspaper archives to learn what was happening when your house was built. Your library might also be the place to look for fire insurance maps (also called Sanborn maps) that provide a detailed historical record of the urban landscape from the 1790s up until the 1960s. Nearly every U.S. town and city with a population of 2,000 or more was surveyed for insurance purposes, and detailed maps were created showing the original shape of structures, the materials used, and how neighborhoods developed over time. When you've finished your detective work, you'll probably never look at your home the same way. "Kids will get the sense that things change, and they might just develop a sense of community and what it means to have a neighborhood," says Spraker.

Play Games with Your Kids for Fun and Learning

Whether it's football, or checkers, kids love to play games. Children are able to easily entertain themselves for hours by playing a simple game that adults may find slow and redundant. Have patience parents; while enjoying these games the kids are also learning. Take tic-tac-toe, probably the most well-known and basic game that children play. While they play this seemingly simple game, they're also learning to strategize -- think ahead and anticipate the opponent's moves. Educational games and what kids can learn from them can be found at the Northwest Regional Educational Laboratory's Library in the Sky, a Web site with references to 38 Web links on games with educational value. Just go to www.nwrel.org/sky/ and click on the "educational games" link under the "materials" menu. The range of ages for these sites varies anywhere from kindergartners to 12-year-olds. One of the offerings is taken from On Numbers and Games (New York: Academic Press), authored by mathematician John Conway who has invented many mathematical games that help participants to learn. Conway explains the application of these games in real life. For instance, one of Conway's games, called Snort, consists of two participants coloring in regions of a map. The participants take turns filling in regions, and the main rule of the game is that neither of them is allowed to color in regions that share a border with one of the other player's regions. The game ends when one player isn't able to fill in any more regions. (But with games that help kids learn, there are no real losers.) After describing the rules of the game, Conway goes on to explain how mathematicians spent years trying to figure out some of the principles of map coloring. He also stresses its importance in the real world. By explaining its place in the world, children not only know that what they're doing has some use, but they also know what use it has. This will help them with comprehending other everyday activities in their lives. Another part of the Library in the Sky site draws games from the book The Brain Explorer, published by Owl Books. It includes all kinds of puzzles and brainteasers. Library in the Sky also offers mysteries that challenge kids to think, using strategy and logic to solve the mystery. There are a variety of mysteries — all-challenging. In fact, the Laboratory's Library in the Sky is a very useful database that helps parents and educators find a variety of information. Currently there are 1,426 educational Web sites listed. The site editor picks a favorite each week. A recent pick, for example, offered resources that included online periodicals, state standards, homework help, lesson plans, test practice, and school technology guides.

Your Life Purpose

Your Life Purpose There is a well worn cliché: "if you don't know where you are going, how do you know you have arrived when you get there?" Before I left New Zealand for the mission field where I accomplished much of what I set out to do, I attended an intensive Bible School course with a class of about 20 students. During a vacation time back in New Zealand I met up with one of my companions from this class and he told me that few really did anything after graduating. Then he told me that the students had been talking among themselves and saying I was the only one who knew what they were going to do and went out and did it. Mm. This is rather sad, but so true in every walk of life. So few really know what they want or are going to do. I am attracted to young people a lot. I like to encourage them (sometimes push them) to go out and achieve. I ask them things like: What are your goals in life? Sadly of all the ones I have asked this question less than 10% really have an answer. The others give me a blank look and say "I don't know". We are all created with a sense of destiny. We are meant to do great things. You are meant to do great things. There is something you can all do that no one else can. That means if you don't fulfill your destiny, there will be a gap left in the world. But the question is: "Do YOU know where you are going in life?" Here are some thought provoking questions which perhaps will help you to realize you have a destiny: After I leave this planet, in what way would this world be a better place because I was once here? If I was to face my last few minutes on this earth right now, what would be my greatest regret? (What have I not done, that I know deep down I should have done, or be doing?) If I was to be given 6 weeks to live, what changes would I make right away? In other words, we were all born with a destiny or purpose to fulfill. Here is a tip to help you find your driving purpose in life: Find a blank sheet of paper and a pen/pencil. Take a few minutes alone, and find a quiet place where you will be uninterrupted. Now write down all the things you think you would like to do while on this planet. Everything that comes to mind should be noted down until you find yourself jotting down something with tears welling up in your eyes. NOW you have found your true main purpose in life (your passion). We all have:  The ability to influence. What kind of influence do you want to be to the world around you? As you touch those close to you, they touch others and on it goes. So your influence can affect multitudes.  The ability to be unique. No one else can copy you. You are special; you have something to contribute to the world around you that no one else can. What unique qualities do you notice in yourself? Are you sharing these with those around you or are you keeping them to yourself?  The ability to succeed and to live in abundance. The only thing that can change that is YOU and your thoughts. Are your thoughts and actions helping or hindering this purpose?  The ability to live in health. (Yes we ourselves have a huge influence on our bodies simply by the many choices we make as we journey through life So I challenge you today, find your purpose in life and then GO OUT AND DO IT

كتاب الحياة How to live more than one life?

Keep Brains Active: Read With summer at hand, so are the kids. For most of them, spend its days at play and nights without homework. But just because formal schooling has taken a break, don't let your child's brain go on hiatus too. A good way to keep young minds active during the lazy days of summer is reading. Kids don't always have to read literature or serious stuff—even magazines and comic books can help instill the habit of reading. "Children learn to read best when they have books and other reading materials at home and plenty of chances to read," says Tips for Parents About Reading, a guide from the Northwest Regional Educational Laboratory's Comprehensive Center. "This means not only having lots of books around—from libraries, bookstores, and book clubs, as gifts, and as treats—but many chances to read and talk about what they are reading." Summer is a perfect time to practice reading in a relaxed, pressure-free environment. Here are some things you can do to encourage reading at home: Set up a reading area. Group comfortable chairs, add good lighting, and keep a variety of books, magazines, and newspapers on hand. Devote a low bookshelf or basket entirely for age-appropriate books for toddlers and younger children. Read to your kids every day. This is important, even if it's just for 10 minutes. Once kids can read on their own, have them read to you, or read them books that are more difficult than they could manage alone. Older kids can also read to younger siblings, who help them become more confident, fluent readers and helps younger kids to imitate behavior and vocabulary. Let kids stay up 15 to 30 minutes later to read. This encourages kids to read, and summer is a good time to allow later bedtimes. Excusing kids from chores such as doing dishes when they are reading also makes it clear that you think reading is important. Visit the library with your children every week. Little kids love having their own library cards, and as kids get older they can explore their interests at the library. If your child loves sports, for example, find fiction and nonfiction titles related to that topic. Play games that involve reading. Fun games that reinforce reading skills include Monopoly, Concentration, Life, Risk, and Clue. Older kids enjoy Scrabble, Spill and Spell, Scattergories, and Balderdash. For practical ideas to encourage reading skills in children from infancy through middle school, Northwest residents can request a free copy of Tips for Parents about Reading. The guide outlines the stages of reading development kids typically go through at certain ages and includes tips and favorite books for each stage. The guide is available also on the Internet at http://www.nwrac.org/ pub/tipsforparents.pdf.)

Life is the dream we are dreaming. Suffering for life is what makes us feel it.Life is us. But i am still asking what is life? Is human life just a dream, from which we never really awake, as some great thinkers claim? Are we submerged by our feelings, by our loves and hates, by our ideas of good, bad, beautiful, awful? Are we incapable of knowing beyond those ideas and feelings?

Green is the color i choose for life